Angela Dunning, poetry, personal growth, healing

In my dreams, I carry my dog like a baby
In a pouch-sling across my belly and womb
I tenderly hold her and care for her
Like the baby I never had
A mother’s concern for her welfare at all times.
As I go on with my journey
I meet my father coming in the opposite direction
A sign, I think, that I am no longer going in the same direction as him
Or what he represents to me: the aging, dying patriarchal energy
Now I am on the search for something new
And I carry my dog-baby with much effort and concern
For I will not drop her this time
This time, I will see her home safe.

I fill my belly daily with foods that make it swell
I realise now that I am compensating for the child that never was
The baby girl or boy, the potential of what-if, that which never was
The hint of pregnancy but not with that man, or that one
It was never to be
Yet still I weep for my loss
For the baby that never was
For the soul who was never birthed
And who never walked alongside me all these years
Instead I walk alone, carry the ghost-child in my sling
The weighty belly that I rub and pretend
That I must now release and let this hope die too, this lost hope
For what never was and can never be.

But, I hold out hope that, instead
Now I can birth something else
Something brand new, as yet unformed
As yet unknown
A new project, a dream
Or simply a new way of being towards myself
A refreshed attitude of tender love for myself
And my empty womb
For the hollow shell encased within
I can now try to fill it with creative light instead
Bright, dazzling sparks of unconscious insight
And let unfold that which is still yet to be born in me.

Angela Dunning, 21 December 2018

2 thoughts on “Mourning That Which Never Was

  1. A true marriage of words and image, beautifully and bravely penned! Many counsel that if we “follow our dreams we follow our bliss” and how right they are for when you walk in the other direction from your animus, you chose to fatten up your anima, above and below … and then to post at this magical time can be no coincidence, for the nourishing and nurturing has begun … as a new attitude emerges and you become pregnant with hope, life and new possibilities. Thank you so much Angela for allowing us to glimpse your beautiful soul! Warm and wild Solstice blessings, Deborah.

    Like

    1. Wow, beautiful response Deborah, thank you for taking the time to read and comment once again. I take your insights and weave them into my growing awareness both in my mind and my body. Solstice blessings to you dear one! Angela

      Liked by 1 person

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