I’m sorry for all the times I’ve lied to you.
For all the times I’ve pretended to be someone, something I’m not.
I’m sorry for all the betrayals of your heart and your body.
For all the times I tried to love you but fell short.
For all the lip-service I paid you in trying to love you.
I’m sorry for all the times I silenced your voice, stopped you speaking your truth; stopped you singing your heart out.
I’m sorry for making you conform and comply, like somebody’s puppet, you danced to their tune oh so very well.
I’m sorry for all the times you said yes when you meant NO.
For all the blending and moulding to fit into other’s lives.
For all the times I abandoned my own plans, dreams, responsibilities and homes.
For throwing them out so easily and carelessly with “Oh they don’t matter and what can I do for YOU instead”.
I’m sorry for all the heartache I’ve caused you, for all the pain and suffering when I abandoned you over and over and over again.
Leaving you adrift, alone, unloved and unsafe.
I’m sorry for all my reckless actions, my over-committing, in more ways than one, so you ended up in debt and then hungry again.
I’m sorry for all those times when you wanted to reach out to others for company and connection and I stopped you.
I’m sorry for all the times I kept the door to my heart firmly sealed shut, for fear of more hurt.
And for hardening the shell around my heart, ironically so tough and yet so very, very fragile; the slightest hurt and you cracked.
And I’m sorry to my body – most of all.
For all the times I let you be misused, abused, denigrated and debased.
For all those times I’ve used you to get what I want, as a tool, as a toy to be played with as others wanted, and so they did…
I’m sorry for all the times I’ve exposed you, making you so vulnerable to harm and for not protecting you better.
I’m sorry for all the acts I’ve made you perform and endure, some of which were harmful to you, to my heart and to my Soul.
I’m sorry for not setting clearer boundaries, to say NO at the earliest time.
I’m sorry for dressing you up in a provocative manner, leaving you open to all kinds of prey.
I’m sorry for making you get into bed with people you recoiled from.
And I’m sorry for not letting you get into bed with the people you were oh so drawn to…
I’m sorry to the little girl who wants to be loved, to play and have fun.
I’m sorry for not being the mother and friend you so craved before.
I’m sorry for not listening and not tending you so.
And I’m sorry for not loving you unconditionally; until now.
To my heart, my Soul, my body and my Spirit:
I am sorry.
I love you.
I surrender to you now with love.
I bow down to you – your gentleness, your wisdom and love.
My guides, my homes, I am your servant now
Please, come, show me the way…
© Angela Dunning, 21 December 2014